Gemma (es_skysurfer) wrote in sex_column,

First time poster, with probably the most common Q ever!

When my husband and i first met, sex was INCREDIBLE. He could literally make me come just by kissing me and touching my breasts. Now, i know that the sex does dwindle off as the relationship goes on, but lately its really getting me down. However, there is backstory, so here it is:

I have type 1 bipolar disorder, so a lot of the time i am either hypersexed and jumping his bones all the time, or im depressed and dont want him near me. Sometimes the lines blur (like i'll be so manic i dont want sex because contact irritates me, or i'll be depressed and want to feel loved, hence sex), but basically sex is unpredictable with me. I started on medications (mood stabilizers and antipsychotics) back in June and to begin with there were no problems. Then on occasion i would find it almost impossible to orgasm, and started to fake it just so he didnt feel bad. The sex still felt good, just no... well, O. So i would try on my own, and sometimes i could come, other times i would end up hurting myself just for trying all the time. So when i next see a shrink i want to ask him if any of the drugs im on could do this, because its upsetting not to be able to even enjoy sex any more.

We've been together almost 3 years, married 18 months. He was a virgin when we met, so for him sex is still new enough and exciting. I lost my virginity 11 years ago and like to spice things up in the bedroom, although he says he just isnt ready for that yet. The other problem then comes into play: he's a recovering porn addict, so we have to be really careful that what we do doesnt trigger him.

I feel like its not just sex but our whole relationship that's going down the pan. He treats me like just another guy, tells me he loves me a lot but its said so casually, and usually when he doesnt have anything else to say. Sometimes he'll be so sweet and he'll say he really does love me, but its not the norm. We've just moved overseas, so we have no stuff (bar laptops, a few bits we bought in walmart and an air-mattress) and even something like snuggling in front of the TV is hard. But even before the move things were hairy between us. I guess that might not be helping with the "me not coming" thing.

I dunno, i guess im just looking for some advice?
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